When It All Feels Like Bullsh*t

an excerpt and a hope

From the book Letting Magic In by Maia Toll. Reprinted by permission of Running Press, an imprint of Perseus Books, LLC, a subsidiary of Hachette Book Group, Inc. Copyright © 2023 by Maia Toll.

“I didn’t remember what exactly I was angry about. I only knew I was burning.

By the time I climbed in the car to drive home, I was wicking rage. I’d been played by fate. Worse, I’d been telling myself this crazy-ass story:

If there was magic and I learned to use it, then there was more to life than the human rat race.

And, if there was more to life than the human rat race, then exploring what magic existed in the world was actually a meaningful pursuit.

In the past few months, this quest had ignited a sense of purpose in me, an inner calm and sense of knowing what I was supposed to do with my life, a feeling I hadn’t felt since I gave up riding horses. But it was all a crock.

Even as I thought this, a part of me knew it wasn’t true. In my journal, I immediately noted my shame even while writing down the thoughts. But in that moment, when there was a flash fire in my veins, all I could think was:

This is all bullshit. Maybe everything is bullshit.

I was slipping back and forth, pushed and pulled by the tide of my own emotions and the overwhelming amount of information I was trying to process, both in physical reality and in the spiritual spaces I was cultivating.

Later, I would learn to create rules for myself, to slip into the deeps by choice, closing the way behind me to avoid this sort of slippage. But I had no rules for my psyche yet. I’d blown open the doors not realizing I’d ever need to close them again.”

One of the questions I’m asked the most about Letting Magic In is:

What do you hope readers get out of reading this book?

Truthfully? I hope this book is used, not just read. Turn to Letting Magic In:

• when you feel like giving up the search for magic

• when you’re ready to discard your childhood dreams of the mystic being real

• when you need to transition from point A without knowing point B

• when you’re done with the “human rat race”

• when you need a friend who understands that the path is rarely smooth

But mostly, when you need a reminder to trust yourself, trust in nature, and trust in change…even when it feels terrifying.

I’d be honored to have you read my story to help you recognize your own… to help you cope with life’s ups and downs and to reframe your own oddities and idiosyncrasies so they feel like windows instead of road blocks. Join me on this journey by ordering today.